I have taken a couple days off from my blog. I have to be honest and tell you that I did this because this entry is something very hard for me to talk about. I am filled with anxiety as I type. I know this will be therapeutic, but that doesn't make it any easier. I have lived with much loss in my life, but this is where it truly began. I guess I had better get started.
After my brother finished basic training in the Navy he was stationed in Louisiana. He started hanging around people who were not like him. He was most likely a bit naive. He joined them in some illegal activities and ended up in Angola state prison in Louisiana at 18 years old sentenced to 30 years. My mother was able to correspond with the governor there and managed to win his release 7 years later. That is when my story with him began.
When he came home to California he went right to work. He worked hard, got a good job, met a wonderful woman and got married. He seemed to have the perfect life. But he was not the same person he was when he left home. The years in prison had changed him and he had some demons. He was a very charismatic guy. Women were always very attracted to him and he thrived on that. His marriage eventually fell apart and that is when his life began it's decent.
He began drinking heavily and dabbling in other things as well. That is about the time I went to live with him. I idolized him. He was the father figure in my life that I had not had in many years. As his world steadily slid downward he took me along for the ride with him. He was a fighter and seemed to fear nothing. He would often get into fights and seemed to enjoy them. Women loved him and men feared him. Life steadily spiraled downhill for several years until one night when I was 18.
He and I frequently went out to night clubs together. Even though I was not of age nobody ever questioned me because of him. On October 22nd, 1979 he and I were leaving a night club about midnight. When we got in the car and started driving we heard a sound like someone had thrown something at the car. He slammed on the brakes and circled back around and we both got out of the car. When we came around the front of the car gun shots rang out from some trees in the distance in front of us. I took cover behind the car and when the shots stopped I looked for my brother. He had rolled himself underneath the car and as I pulled him out he said he had been shot. I asked him where and he pointed to his stomach. He then appeared to stop breathing. I started to give him mouth to mouth and he pushed me away. He could barely speak but he told me he wasn't going to make it. He then said "take care of mom and the girls" he took another very labored breath and he said "I love you" and that was it. I ran inside the night club and yelled for them to call an ambulance. I ran back out and held him in my lap again until the ambulance arrived. Everything that happened after that is still just a blur.
I am going to stop here for the day. My mind is racing and completely blank at the same time. I will pick up where I left off in my next entry. Thank you for taking the time to read this far. I hope you will continue on this journey with me.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day two
Ok, I told you in my first entry that I would tell you a bit about myself. I am not going to get to it all in one entry, so I will just start at the beginning. As time goes by you will gain a bit of insight about who I am and what made me the person that I am today. Ok, here goes:
I was born and raised in the Napa Valley here in California, the wine country. There were five kids in my family and I am the fourth. You will read a bit later why I used the word "were" in the last sentence. My older brother and sisters are 9-14 years older than I and my younger sister, so it was kind of like having 2 generations of kids. When I was 4 my brother left home to join the US Navy, and when I was 5 my father abandoned my mother and my sisters and I. Up until that point my family life was "all American." My father and I were very close. We were very much the middle class American family. But that all changed pretty much overnight.
My father worked in the furniture business, so we had a house full of fine furniture, but we soon couldn't pay for electricity. After he left my father wasn't paying the bills, and my mother was a stay at home mother typical of the 50's and 60's. She had to go out and find a job in a time when there were only certain jobs they would hire a woman to do. That was further limited because she had never worked or gone to college. She worked very hard to keep us living at the poverty level. One of my older sisters got married. The other had to quit high school to take care of my younger sister and I while my mother worked very long hours.
When I was 5, 6 and 7 I had no idea we were poor. We lived in very small, older run down places, but they were always spotless and my mother cooked us wonderful meals. I didn't realize that most often we didn't have meat in our meals, lots of beans and pasta, lol. All I knew was the food tasted great! I would often see my mother in here bedroom on her knees in prayer. Whenever things got really rough financially she would tell us not to worry, that God would see us through. No matter how bad things got her faith never wavered. That is the most important lesson my mother ever taught me.
During this time my older brother was having problems of his own. He had joined the Navy, basically to get away from my father. He and my father had a very rough relationship. My brother was never good enough, smart enough etc. for my father. As my brother reached his late teens he started to rebel and their relationship began to get physical. That is when my brother decided the Navy was his ticket out. I will get back to my brothers story a bit later on, but I will tell you that to this day it is very difficult for me to talk about him.
My other older sister got married and had a baby, and when I was 8 my mother remarried. She married a man who struggled with alcoholism. (my mother did not know this when she married him because he had been sober for quite some time at that point) He would go through long periods being sober, then relapse and wreak havoc for a few days, or weeks, then get sober again. He was a workaholic also. He usually had 2 menial jobs at a time, so although our financial situation did improve a bit we were still poor. My mother continued to work all through this time. He wasn't abusive toward my sister and I, but he was never a father figure either. We never got close to him. He was just our mothers husband and their relationship was strained most of the time. Much of the time their arguments were about her doing things for us kids, but she never changed that. When it came to us kids my mother was a lion, lol.
I know this is probably a bit boring so far. I had not intended to get so detailed about my childhood. But as I started writing I realized it was necessary for you to understand what happens next. In my next entry I am going to get back into my brothers role in my life during my teens, and I can promise you things will be more interesting, to say the least. So if you have gotten this far I thank you for reading, and I will tell you more tomorrow.
I was born and raised in the Napa Valley here in California, the wine country. There were five kids in my family and I am the fourth. You will read a bit later why I used the word "were" in the last sentence. My older brother and sisters are 9-14 years older than I and my younger sister, so it was kind of like having 2 generations of kids. When I was 4 my brother left home to join the US Navy, and when I was 5 my father abandoned my mother and my sisters and I. Up until that point my family life was "all American." My father and I were very close. We were very much the middle class American family. But that all changed pretty much overnight.
My father worked in the furniture business, so we had a house full of fine furniture, but we soon couldn't pay for electricity. After he left my father wasn't paying the bills, and my mother was a stay at home mother typical of the 50's and 60's. She had to go out and find a job in a time when there were only certain jobs they would hire a woman to do. That was further limited because she had never worked or gone to college. She worked very hard to keep us living at the poverty level. One of my older sisters got married. The other had to quit high school to take care of my younger sister and I while my mother worked very long hours.
When I was 5, 6 and 7 I had no idea we were poor. We lived in very small, older run down places, but they were always spotless and my mother cooked us wonderful meals. I didn't realize that most often we didn't have meat in our meals, lots of beans and pasta, lol. All I knew was the food tasted great! I would often see my mother in here bedroom on her knees in prayer. Whenever things got really rough financially she would tell us not to worry, that God would see us through. No matter how bad things got her faith never wavered. That is the most important lesson my mother ever taught me.
During this time my older brother was having problems of his own. He had joined the Navy, basically to get away from my father. He and my father had a very rough relationship. My brother was never good enough, smart enough etc. for my father. As my brother reached his late teens he started to rebel and their relationship began to get physical. That is when my brother decided the Navy was his ticket out. I will get back to my brothers story a bit later on, but I will tell you that to this day it is very difficult for me to talk about him.
My other older sister got married and had a baby, and when I was 8 my mother remarried. She married a man who struggled with alcoholism. (my mother did not know this when she married him because he had been sober for quite some time at that point) He would go through long periods being sober, then relapse and wreak havoc for a few days, or weeks, then get sober again. He was a workaholic also. He usually had 2 menial jobs at a time, so although our financial situation did improve a bit we were still poor. My mother continued to work all through this time. He wasn't abusive toward my sister and I, but he was never a father figure either. We never got close to him. He was just our mothers husband and their relationship was strained most of the time. Much of the time their arguments were about her doing things for us kids, but she never changed that. When it came to us kids my mother was a lion, lol.
I know this is probably a bit boring so far. I had not intended to get so detailed about my childhood. But as I started writing I realized it was necessary for you to understand what happens next. In my next entry I am going to get back into my brothers role in my life during my teens, and I can promise you things will be more interesting, to say the least. So if you have gotten this far I thank you for reading, and I will tell you more tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
My first entry
Ok, so I promised on my new facebook page that I would create a blog, so here it is. Please bear with me as I am a complete beginner. I created this blog to track my journey through a new business venture, to make new friends and to let you know who I am over the course of time. Although I have been told many times I should write a book about the life I have lived, I have never done anything like this before. This is uncharted water for me, and I must admit I am just a bit scared.
My business is in network marketing and I know my success hinges on building strong relationships. I know that some of the guru's in the business have found success in a variety of different ways. But for me the upfront and honest approach is the only way I could ever feel good about being successful, so I sure hope that will work, lol.
I would love to have as many people reading my blog and tracking my journey as possible. That means whether you ever ask me about my business or not, decide to check out the products and services I provide or not, I welcome you to come along with me on this adventure!
In my next entry I will begin to tell you a bit about myself, where I come from, where I have been and where I hope to be going. I can assure you that most of you have not been where I have been. As a matter of fact I think some of you will be entertained, some surprised and some shocked, lol. So stay tuned and thanks for taking the time to read my first entry.
My business is in network marketing and I know my success hinges on building strong relationships. I know that some of the guru's in the business have found success in a variety of different ways. But for me the upfront and honest approach is the only way I could ever feel good about being successful, so I sure hope that will work, lol.
I would love to have as many people reading my blog and tracking my journey as possible. That means whether you ever ask me about my business or not, decide to check out the products and services I provide or not, I welcome you to come along with me on this adventure!
In my next entry I will begin to tell you a bit about myself, where I come from, where I have been and where I hope to be going. I can assure you that most of you have not been where I have been. As a matter of fact I think some of you will be entertained, some surprised and some shocked, lol. So stay tuned and thanks for taking the time to read my first entry.
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